A Merry Christmas

I took a picture of Santa on Zach's lap but somehow it came out a bit too blurry.
Kaitlyn loves Santa so much. She asked for a snowglobe which was a complete shock to all around her and it resulted in a last minute rush to Walgreens.
That sweet girl could not stop smiling all of Christmas.
Jacob had been plotting out a plan to capture Santa. Imagine his surprise when Santa showed up earlier than he expected.

Comet

Jacob keeps telling us that Santa is going to let him meet Comet. He was so excited when we went to see Father Christmas and his wish came true. He ran right up to the gentleman in charge of the reindeer and said, "Is Comet here?" The sweet man said, "of course son, he is waiting for you." I LOVE This is the Place!!!

Fencing

Zach is taking fencing in school this year and after watching his first match I was so excited I decided that I want to be a pirate when I grow up. It was so fun to watch this sweet child take a sword to his enemy.

Zach's the one in the really short white pants that are worn to protect his precious items for being injured. He was however stabbed by his friend a couple of weeks ago.

Angels

It was Thanksgiving weekend 2004. I decided instead that it was time to create memories. First on our list was to attend a live Nativity at the beautiful and majestic Tuachan Center in St. George Utah. As I combed through four heads of hair, found missing shoes and reminded everyone to grab their warmest coats I turned to my husband and said are you ready? His head was buried in a computer book trying to solve his latest mind blowing programming dilemma. He muttered something about putting shoes on and wandered to the car. We were half way there before I noticed that while the rest of our family was bundled from head to toe and ready for a blizzard, my husband was in nothing more than a Hawaiian shirt and jeans. “I’ll be fine he assured me,” as he leaned close into the dashboard so as to have the buttons on the dash illuminate the pages of his book. We arrived at the gates of the facility nestled snug at the base of Snows Canyon. There were thousands of lights to greet us and we drove through with “oohs” and “aahs” from the backseat. The kids danced with excitement at the thought of the evening ahead. They weren’t sure what to expect but they could tell from the large numbers surrounding us it had to be good. Front and center, the perfect spot to see the actors and smell the camels. Our oldest, Zach was the object of a fight between the two toddlers, both wanted desperately to sit on his lap and refused to share. Our littlest won out and he sat, gloating until the play started. With wide eyes the children watched as members of local wards portrayed Mary, Joseph, Shepherds, and wise men. Children around us bounced in their seats, kicked the backs of those in front of us and begged for tissue. “I’m cold, I’m hungry, and I have to go to the bathroom”. The memories we were creating were not the ones I had envisioned. My husband, on the end of the aisle was holding the diaper bag, the extra blanket and silently begging for someone to breathe on him to help him thaw from the brutal cold that had settled over the town. And while everyone else was watching the show his eyes were pointed upwards looking at the large ominous clouds that had just covered the outdoor amphitheater. And he shivered as he laughed while the clouds opened up and sent forth a beautiful winter shower.
Jacob, the baby, wiggled anxiously on his brother’s lap and finally, cold and frustrated he made his way to mine in hopes of finding something a bit more exciting two seats down Then, much to his relief, it happened. The angels entered. Set high upon a ledge and lit with glorious, bright flood lights, was an angel. The taped narrator spoke, declaring the words of the angel as he announced the birth of Jesus the Christ. Jacob sat completely still, his own angelic face in awe of the personage dressed in white. His eyes sparkled and he raised his little hands to point at the stage. With pure unrestrained joy he began to clap. It was as if he were saying, “Hello friends.” It was clear to me at this moment, just how thin the veil must be for him. How close he must be to our Father in Heaven, and just how wonderful heaven must be for it to incite such a reaction from the normally fidgety little boy. My eyes met those of my husbands who was watching his little boy with the same awe and wonder as me. It became apparent that the Spirit that filled our little family did more to warm my husband’s soul than any amount of bundling could have done. It was Christmas, time to celebrate the birth of our Lord, and despite the rain, and perhaps even because of it we will always have the precious Christmas memory of the live nativity and the angels – our friends.

You Must Read This

If you've ever wondered why I am who I am. . . . read this My dear friend Jennifer wrote all about our adventures and it is worth the read!!!!!!

Family Home Evening tonight was all about gifts we want to give instead of gifts we want to receive. It was so fun to hear the kids come up with gifts they would give friends and most especially Jesus and Heavenly Father. Jacob would like to give everyone a gingerbread house. Maybe that is because he knew we'd be building one tonight.

Happy December

I love December and I am so excited that it is that time of year again. I am just shocked that it sneaked up on me this year.

Friday my dear sweet husband decided that he was going to go Black Friday shopping with me. This was a bit scary for me since I had an agenda and he isn't known for his speed. We went to Penny's and were there at 3:58 a.m. and somehow people were already leaving with their purchases despite the fact that they weren't supposed to open until 4:00. We missed the last waffle maker by a minute or two and I was fuming. I decided that I hated shopping and I stormed home sad and ready for a nap. After about an hour of not being able to go back to sleep he convinced me to go out again. This time he found a waffle maker. Of course instead of the amazing price of $20 he spent $79 but he was so proud of his purchase that we will be eating waffles every day for the next year. Bailey and the rest of the kids helped me put up the three trees and we scrambled to get dinner on the table for friends that were coming for a visit.

I want to post a picture of my tree but everytime I go to look at the photos I come across the one that a friend of mine did for the Jubilee of Trees in St George. The tree won every award and I would love to have on in my home. Unfortunately, I can't afford the 5 figure price that it managed to net at the auction so until then I'll just have to drool.

A Present For You

So I can't take credit since it is Oprah that is giving it to you but I would buy one for each of you I I could (I can because it is free) go to

free Christmas gift

It is a great mix of Christmas music and you can download the label and everything right there. You have to love Oprah!

What I am Thankful for This Week

It is almost Thanksgiving and I am so excited because it was always one of my mom's favorite holidays and while all holidays have some kind of food associated with it this is by far the BIGGEST food holiday ever! I love food!So, what am I thankful for this week?

I am thankful for a safe trip to St George to celebrate the life of our friend Tucker and to be there with his family.

I am so grateful that I came home to my terrific family who had kept the house from burning down and kept it relatively clean as well

I am thankful for the gospel and the knowledge of an eternal family. I don't know how I could deal with tragedies if I didn't have that knowledge.

I am thankful for my house and that I am cuddled up in front of my fireplace listening to the sounds of children arguing over who is more obnoxious.

I am thankful for a husband who will love me even though he'll come home to find a new kitten has joined our family.

I am grateful for amazing friends who are there anytime I need them.

I am thankful that I stocked up on Dr Pepper when it was 2.50 for a 12 pack

I am grateful for John Bytheway because Zach and I listened to his CD's on our way there and back and he made some amazing points that we have been able to take into our lives.

I am thankful for my new fuzzy socks

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Today it has been 15 years since my hubby and exchanged our vows in the Salt Lake Temple at 6:00 a.m. (We wanted to get married before Thanksgiving and that was the only time so we braved the freezing cold and our poor families were only half awake but it was wonderful none the less. Today we celebrated by me packing the car for my trip to St George with Zach for a funeral and grabbed easy to make food for the kids while I'm gone! Not much for such a monumental year but sometimes life is just too busy. We will celebrate when I get back. (Don't worry, Bailey will be here with Jacob and Kaitlyn, everything will be ok)

Look Jen, you look so adorable!

One of Zach's friends from St George was shot in the head and killed tonight at the high school right before a high school production. Please remember him and your families in your prayers. This will be the second funeral in a week for Zach and our family and as you can imagine our kids are a bit sensitive right now.

Things Jacob Said

My sweet baby made his first sarcastic comment yesterday. I told him that he was one of the smartest 5 year olds I know and he responded, "yup, even if you are my mom". I looked at him with a bit of shock and said, "did your brother teach you that". He proudly responded, "nope, I thought of it all by myself".

A few weeks ago I was a bit miffed with my sweet husband and Jacob could tell. At bedtime he grabbed his pillow and blanket and came into my room and said, "I can sleep in here because you are not having issues with me".

The cat had chewed on one of his toy lizards and he yelled from the basement, "mom, Tinkerbell ate my lizard". I asked which one and he responded, "The horny one". Of course Zach was there and couldn't control his laughter.

I am so glad that he is taking after his older brother with his wit and his ability to make me laugh.

Contemplating Lots!

I have been thinking, dwelling actually on mortality this week as I've helped put together various aspects of a funeral for an infant in my ward. I came across this that passage that I had every intention of finishing but somehow the tears get in the way of the words even six years later. I thought I'd put it out there and maybe, just maybe I'll find the strength to complete it.

It’s amazing how one little word formed of two harmless syllables can turn you life upside down. It was a day just like any other in Southern California. The weatherman could have prerecorded his forecast for all the changes that take place in this coastal town. 75 degrees and sunny. The parks were filled with smiling mothers pushing their toddlers in swings, secretly wondering if bedtime would ever come. Overly anxious fathers lined the bleachers of the ball field, eager to live their boyhood fantasies through their children. Dogs barked, content to be able to hear the sound of their own voice over the distant traffic. To the casual observer it was as close to Utopia as one could find. But at the outskirts of this town lay a stone building a place where dreams are born and destinies realized a place where futures were determined -- Pleasant Valley Hospital.

I sat in the waiting room doing just that -- waiting. I knew the instant the doors opened my life could completely change. My mother, Kass, lay on a table through those doors. Doctors, whose years of medical training taught them nothing of tact, worked methodically to see into the abdomen of my mom. For some time now, they’d done batteries of tests, each meant to rule out one condition or another. Each test came back inconclusive. Because of the quick onset of my mother’s symptoms we never fully understood the possible cause of her intense pain. We spent months on a roller coaster ride, each up swing us to a doctor who would ultimately lead us to the next low. Our need to discover once and for all the cause of this vibrant woman’s deterioration.

The last time my mom and I had been in a hospital together had been to welcome the youngest of my children into the world. The smile on her face was no less stunning than the first two times we welcomed a child together. Kass lived her life for her grandchildren. Having wanted twelve children but having been blessed instead with two of Heavens finest, she soaked in every opportunity to wrap her gentle hands around one of mine. To her the very smell of her children was a testament to the fact that God lived. It was for this reason she hesitated before being wheeled into the O.R. She feared she’d miss the baseball game her seven year old grandson was to play. What she didn’t realize was that across town that same little boy was explaining his reason for missing the game, “Baseball’s just not fun without Grandma,” he’d said. Grandma hadn’t missed a game yet. “Team Miller” as we referred to ourselves wore matching tee-shirts with our star’s picture emblazoned across the front. Together she and I would pace behind the other parents, coaching from the sidelines screaming excitedly as our seven year old wonder would make a spectacular play.

The page of the intercom jolted me back to reality. I watched anxiously for the door to swing open. The expected hour surgery had turned into two and I found myself silently praying -- pleading -- with my Father in Heaven. I found comfort in praying and relying on his strength to get me through the hours of uncertainty.

The specialist, tall, lean and a specimen of health emerged from the sterile room, his brown furrowed with anticipation as he made his way across the room toward me. He sat across from me, obviously trying to maintain his professional distance. Hands held steady by years of surgeries reached into the manila envelope that held the clues to our future.

This, “ he said, “ is your mom’s pancreas. The green mucus colored masses- those are cancerous growths.” When we opened her we found that everything - her liver, her spleen, her pancreas- they’re all covered in cancer and there is nothing we can do.” My mind was racing, question blurring together: how could this woman who could outrun my two year old be sick? How could me vegetable eating mom have cancer? What do you mean there is nothing you can do -- “what kind of doctor are you? You went through twelve years of schooling only to stand before me and say there is nothing you can do?” I screamed silently. I was amazed at the anger that engulfed me. This was not the answer I was waiting for - it wasn’t an answer at all it was an unjust verdict rendered and a life sentence passed before its time. The doctor left, his job was done he had no need to stay because as he said, there was nothing he could do.

I stumbled toward an exit, my heart pounding so fiercely I feared it might burst through my blouse without notice.

More to Stress About

I am thinking I'm going to have to go private. My friend was telling about the dangers that she saw and my brother has expressed some concern and since I ALWAYS listen to my big brother I think I'll have to follow his advise. So, to follow the advise of those who have gone before me. . . if you want an invite please let me know. I am comment starved and would love to have you.

True American

I voted today like every good American should. I made my way to the polling place to fill out my provisional ballot since they had somehow lost my current registration but fortunately I was still registered in St George so my vote will still count. I went in the middle of a snow storm after having 10 viles of blood drawn at the Dr.'s office and almost passed out on the way into the building. I was so excited to put my little "I voted" sticker on and was thrilled to have the opportunity. My brother called from Denmark to ensure that I had done my part to ensure democracy was at work in the good ol' USA. My kids were all over me when I walked when to make sure I voted for the zoo. They weren't nearly as concerned about the presidental race as they were the potential for polar bears. I realize that my vote may not matter as much as it would if we didn't have the electoral college but at least by voting I now reserve the right to complain for the next four years. In honor of the election and her political excitement Bailey had her braces changed to RED WHITE AND BLUE today as well.

Horray, Halloween is Over

This is the dad of the family after he saw his daughters costumes and had a bit of a meltdown.

After struggling all week to pick a costume, Jacob finally decided to be a dinosaur. Smart boy since it was the warmest costume.
Zach was going to be "God's Gift to Women" as one of my friends suggested but he decided to be a disgruntled teen who thinks his mom should back off a bit.



Kaitlyn was Belle, probably because it was the most revealing costume I would let her wear. She is certainly a girl who loves her drama.
Bailey decided to be a beauty queen, not a far stretch if you ask me.
I am thrilled that Halloween is over and we can move on to the wonderful month of November and Thanksgiving.

Reflections of a Mother

I sat in the back row of the chapel after having gotten up extra early to make sure that everyone's hair was perfectly combed and that the parts were ready to go. I had sneaked into practice the week before so I would know exactly where to sit to see both Jacob and Kaitlyn. I had painstakingly gone over the words to Jacob's part so that he could clearly pronounce each syllable. I made my husband get to church 20 minutes early to make sure that the bench I had mentally reserved was still mine for the taking and that no one would be able to stake their claim. I ran to the bathroom right after the sacrament was passed so I wouldn't find myself unable to concentrate when it was their turn by the “potty dance” I was afraid I'd be doing in my seat. I sat through the other children in the ward and I smiled when one I knew stood or one said their part so loudly into the microphone that the old man in front of me who was half asleep jumped from his slumber and embarrassed his family.

I cursed under my breath when an extremely tall gentlemen took his seat in front of me and I had to practically sit in Bailey's lap in order to see Jacob's little head peak out over the stand to sing. I watched lovingly and with awe at Kaitlyn at how she could sit so still and look so angelic while still somehow managing to flirt with the boy next to her and when she stood to say her part I grinned at her graceful ladylike stride that she took to the pulpit and the cute way she dropped her “r's” slightly at the end of her words just like I did when I was her age. I loved the confidence she displayed as she read from the scriptures and sang the songs with an elegance that is often hard to notice when she's zipping through the house at top speed to get away from a dart gun attack. My heart was so filled with love for that sweet child who puts up such a brave front all the time. Her singing was in such direct contrast to Jacob's who would sing the first three words of the song and then his hands would find their way to his face and he'd see how far he could stretch his cheeks or how many fingers he could put in his mouth before gagging. It wasn't that he didn't care about the songs, its that he isn't really too big into memorization and those songs are a bit long for a boy of his tender age. But then little Jacob took the stand. I was at the edge of my seat and mouthing the words under my breath, willing him to speak them. He looked right out at the audience and with the commanding voice of a future president said the words that I had waited to hear all week, "we can Rgsdkg ld iugoigwh” at least that is what everyone else heard but to his mother I heard the beautifully spoken words “we can read scriptures together”. His dad turned to ask me what he had said but the tears spilling over my eyes were clue that this was a moment not to be interrupted.

There is truly nothing more beautiful than the pure innocence of a tiny child whose spirit speaks with our Heavenly Father. My heart beamed. My children had stolen the show. And while I know how hard it is for the wonderful primary leaders to coordinate 60 children whose main goal is to get off that stage as quickly as possible, I can't wait for them to do it again for there isn't a more important sacrament of the year and I would dare say that conference comes a close second to the annual primary program, at least when my kids are in it.

Where in the World am I?

Friday I took Jacob, Bailey and Kaitlyn to High School Musical 3 which they loved and I reluctantly admit that I did too. Of course, high school was just like that for me as well so I guess it brought back memories ;)

I took Zach, Bailey and Kaitlyn with me to This is the Place for the Haunted Village this week and was shocked at how completely freaked out I was and how I found myself clinging to Zach for a large portion of the time. I guess since he towers over me now I expect him to be my knight in shining armor to save me from zombies and old men in prospecting hats and white beards. It was a great fall activity (GC was too scared to go so he stayed home with Jacob) and much to my surprise when we got into the corn maze part of the evening it was Zach who found our way out.

We spent a lot of our week trying to decide on costumes for Halloween. Jacob is stuck between Chuck Norris, a pirate, a dinosaur and Peter Pan. Since his dad has a strange love of Chuck it isn't a surprise. I am pretty sure mine is the only 5 year old walking around saying, "there is no such thing as global warming, Chuck was cold so he turned the sun up." I am voting for the dinosaur only because it will be the most uncomfortable costume and therefore it will limit the number of houses he will want to hit and then I can come home! I will be much more cheery for November, I love Thanksgiving!

Things my Daughters Taught me this Week

According to the girls and the show they watched the other night you should always use cold water to boil. Apparently, the hot water that has been sitting in the hot water heater has higher levels of lead and other metals.

I am not a big fan of science projects and when Bailey had to do one that would test the bacteria levels on my kitchen counter I was really not enthusiastic. Much to my surprise after two days of growing it there was nothing!!! I would pat myself on the back but in reality it is because of the anti microbal counters we have but I still felt pretty cool.

Hamsters are really cool animals but it is best to only hamster sit for your friends when they go out of town and not try to guilt daddy into getting one.

You can never have enough Littlest Pet Shops even if that means having twenty rabbits with different coloring and a "good mom" would memorize all 160 of their names.

(I think I need to get new pictures of us, that is from 2005)

A Mother's Nightmare

It is one of those phone calls that you fear you'll get one day, the one where your heart stops momentarily and you feel as though you'll never catch your breath. It was my sweet child on the other end saying, "mom, I'm lost, help me."

Well, actually he said, "so what would you say if I said I was lost?"
"I guess I'd laugh" was my response.
"Well, I'm completely lost, I have no idea where I am" He was laughing through the entire conversation so I didn't think he was in grave danger. He had left about 45 minutes earlier with the dog in tow to take her for a much needed walk. He has a path that he usually takes but today he decided, unintentionally, to go a different way. Before long all the homes all looked the same and the beautiful mountains he uses as a guide post were gone. It took a bit but he was able to find his way back to a familiar point the entire time making new friends on his way. It reminded me of the time we went to visit my grandmother in Boise. He told a lady at the playground that he was on vacation. She asked where he was from and he replied, "America". She asked him, holding back a grin, where he was then to which he replied, "Idaho". (Sorry Jen.)
His sense of direction rivals that of his father and those of you who have read the wonderful stories of him on the Trax understand exactly what that means. The good news is that the dog took a great nap afterward and his friends Kayla and Torrie went with him for the afternoon stroll.

(yes, that picture is old but it is so cute I had to put it in)

My Fun Weekend

I needed cookies but really didn't want to make them. GC, fearful for the ramifications if I went cookie-less ran to the bakery down the street and bought me some. He loves me.
Zach took a turn reading the map but boy it looks suspicious.
we went to the corn maze and it was so scary that GC had to keep his eyes closed. So why is this underlined and how do I undo it?

We went to This is the Place with our friends to the fun trick or treat thing they have. They made corn husk dolls and paid $6.00 for 3 chicken strips for lunch.











I burned my mouth on my pizza last night and the skin is still flapping, but I didn't think you'd want a picture of that.

Boys and their Toys

My husband has a love for carabiners and he has so many that we all make fun of him. Jacob has been obsessed with them since he was little. Last year the boys and I were in Walmart when Jacob announced (loudly) that his daddy would buy him a "hooker" for his birthday. Zach was laughing so hard I thought he'd pass out. The lady on the same aisle was not as impressed. Since then it has been our little family joke that we find amusing but we sure get a lot of funny looks from outsiders.

PJ's for Jacob

The lighting is horrible but the face is too cute. I went shopping for a new winter coat for myself since I don't have one that zips and it is a bit nippy around her lately. I found new pj's for Jacob for $9.00 and a Spiderman hat and glove set for $5. He was so excited he had to run and put them on. He said he will be sleeping in them FOREVER.

Finally, someone worth voting for

I must say I am humbled (hard to do) but am very appreciative of the show of support. I look forward to your vote.

Summer Miller for President
http://www.tsgnet.com/pres.php?id=370617&altf=Tvnnfs&altl=Njmmfs1
click the above link for my campaign video.

Inferiority Complex

Today I was visiting with one of my friends and we happened upon an interesting conversation. We had both noticed that women of the church, others too but Mormons especially, seem to have this inferiority complex. We tend to look at ourselves through these filters that seem to scream, “you're not good enough, you're not as wonderful as . . .”. I could go on and on about the different ways we compare ourselves to those around us but instead I've decided to come clean. I am going to tell you all about how much I don't measure up to those around me and how I have come to terms with that. After all, the gospel doesn't teach us to compare ourselves to others, in fact, it tells us not to. We should only be compared with who we were yesterday and the only time we should feel bad about who we are is when we are doing things that halt our spiritual progression

So. . .

I am not as gifted a writer as my friend Jennifer but that is okay because I find writing cathartic and even if I'm the only person who reads my stuff I am happier for having put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard).

I am not as creative as my friend Ann. That is okay though because as my BFF (I sound so hip) I know she is there when I need an idea and she'll walk me through the painstakingly slow process of teaching me something new.

I am not as carefree as my buddy Tawyna. She can drop anything at a moments notice and fly across the country to be with friends. It is wonderful when I'm on the receiving end of those visits and her strong sense of adventure makes me a little less scared of the world around me.
I am not as organized as Kathy. I don't know how she does it but there is never anything out of place and you can open the door to her storage room at any time and it is spotless. That is okay because I know who to call when the pantry is out of control. I can make us lunch and put her to work cleaning it out and we can spend an afternoon chatting about the challenges of life.

I am not as patient as my friend Tami B. She is so calm and serene that just being around her makes me feel the Spirit. That is okay because instead of feeling bummed all the time that she is is so uplifting while I am down in the dumps, I can be thrilled to have her in my life and feel her warmth whenever I need a boost of self confidence.

I am not nearly as willing to speak my mind as BA. That is okay. Hearing her comments makes me realize that the thoughts running rampant in my head are okay to share. She reminds me it is okay to be real.

I am not as crafty as my sister in law Mary. She can look at anything, and I mean anything and recreate it. She has a gift for design and I have benefited from her amazing creations. I am glad for the times we've shared shopping at Roberts for just the right accent.

I am not as educated or able to think as deeply as Pat. She has a gift for deep thought and her ability to make you feel good about yourself is amazing. I am so grateful for her insight and her compliments.

I'm not as willing to put myself out there as Ali. She seems to be willing to share herself with people more than I do and I am pretty closed off until you get to know me. That is okay, sometimes it is alright to watch from afar for a bit.

I can't dress myself as well as Jenna. I know that sounds funny but I honestly don't know what matches what and if it weren't for my SU! Color chart I wouldn't have a clue. I have had friends actually organize my clothes according to what matches so I wouldn't be confused. That is okay because I don't want to always conform to societies ideals and if I want to wear my red shoes with my pink shirt I should!

As I write all these down and there are so many more people that if I were to compare myself too I would find myself falling short, but the point of my ramblings is that despite the areas that I am am lacking I have many that are just wonderful. I can look at my filthy living room and still sit through a movie. I can clean “well enough” that the health department doesn't condemn us and I can tickle a kid until he is breathless. I can swing on the swings at the park with my children and spend the afternoon at the pool without worrying too much about the chores that need to be done. I can shrink a shirt and think, “well, it will still fit Bailey”. I can cook a gourmet dinner and if I don't feel like cleaning it up I can rest easy knowing it will still be there tomorrow (okay, I don't rest easy but I still rest). I can listen to my girls ramble on and on and on and still interject the proper comments and the right time and if I don't it's okay because because I can cover myself pretty well. I can entertain a house of teenagers and no one can pick up a $5.00 pizza as well as I can. I can juggle many different roles without going insane, I can speak in front of hundreds without passing out. I can sound very professional on the phone and can usually get my way when needed. When I look at myself the way the rest of the world sees me I see that perhaps I am just as wonderful as they are but perhaps my greatest quality is my ability to surround myself with others who are amazing in many ways and that I can allow these terrific women into my heart and let them see the real me, flaws and all.

(And if I left any of my amazing friends out love me anyway, it's just another one of my charming flaws)

Not true, but funny

A man was showing people around heaven. He said this is where the Lutherans live, this is were the Catholics live, and be very quiet this is where the Mormons live.. they don't know anyone else lives here.

I was so sad. . . but not for long.

I LOVE my crock pot. I love knowing that I can throw a few ingredients in to the pot in the morning and "wa la" (how would you spell that?) I have dinner. The other day the unthinkable happened, I picked up the lid and the handle shattered. I was devastated. This was only about a year old and it was my favorite with all the fancy settings and the pretty stoneware. I went today to get a new one and I found this. . . I know it looks like an ordinary crock pot but it is my favorite color and it has all the same fancy buttons as my old one and it was on sale for the same price as a boring one. I was a happy camper. I had to run home and throw chicken in it so that I can't convince myself to return it later when it hits me that the economy is in the toilet.

Some of my favorite photos from my past

I was a year old and wasn't too happy about getting my picture taken. I ended up holding my Raggedy Ann doll the entire time. I thought it was funny years later when Bailey was a year and wouldn't put down the cow she was holding.

I was 15 and thought I was sooooo cool. I got this outfit for a super deal because I modeled it for a fashion show.
My mother was, well, HOT!! This isn't what she wore around the house (she wore pj's with feet in them or her purple space cadet suit) but this was her chili cook off outfit.

Don't remember where I heard it but I love it.

If you don't stand behind our soldiers feel free to stand in front of them.

Thoughts on Laundry

While watching conference yesterday I remembered something a friend asked me to jot down for a lesson in R.S. While not beautifully written it stands as a reminder of the Prophets talk to enjoy today and be grateful for the finger prints because they will be gone all too soon.
It had only been three days since the last time I dared enter “that room” at the end of the hall. It was only because of the mysterious smell that had overcome the entire west wing of the home that I decided it was necessary. Of all the rooms in the house this was perhaps the most intimidating. The door could barely open and despite my thin build it was difficult to slide my way past the mounds of decomposing matter.

Three days multiplied by six people means eighteen towels (my family refuses to use a towel twice for fear of drying their face with the end of the towel that formally dried someone’s feet). There were six swimming suits; countless outfits sized 12 months covered in various bodily excretements and three leotards despite the fact that no one takes dance or gym. There were sweat socks that stood at attention and a pile of clothing that looked suspiciously like the clean stack I had handed my daughter just a couple days prior. There were pants with missing buttons, zippers that were stuck, shoe laces to be washed, sheets to be cleaned and garmets to be bleached. There were eighteen once white kitchen towels, a car seat cover that was hit when a diaper exploded and bed spread from my room that was attacked during a diaper change. All in all it was a disaster, a room from which husbands and children alike would have run. It was simply another Monday.

>Monday means family home evening and being November our lesson was on being thankful. As I looked at my “leaves”to place on our family tree that stated the things I am thankful for, I surprised even myself to see at the top of my list – laundry. I am thankful for the stained baby clothes because it means I have a baby in the house, because along with the stains and leaks comes smiles and hugs. I’m thankful for the leotards because it means my girls are creative and don’t yet worry about conforming to society’s ideas of “cool”. I’m thankful for the sweat socks because it shows me my son knows how to be a boy and that we have a great place to play. I’m thankful for the towels because it shows me that my husband loves me enough to smell good when he cuddles me at night. I’m thankful for the collection of clothes, missing buttons, and the zippers that don’t zip because they make me feel useful. When I looked closely at the heaps of filthy clothes I realized that one day I’ll miss these piles because my family will be gone and I will be the strange woman wandering the neighborhood in search of stains to get out.

The sad thing is that baby is now 5. It really does seem like yesterday!

I've been Tagged

Quirk
Tagged by Tawyna

Definition of quirk:n. 1. A peculiarity of behavior; an idiosyncrasy: "Every man had his own quirks and twists" Harriet Beecher Stowe. 2. An unpredictable or unaccountable act or event; a vagary: a quirk of fate.

Rules: Link the Person who Tagged you. Mention rules on your blog. Tell about 6 quirks of yours. Tag 6 fellow bloggers to do the same. Leave a comment to let them know.

1. I try to make sure I chew on both sides of my mouth the same amount of times so one side of my teeth isn't shorter than the other.
2. I pick the "last bite" of food on my plate a few bites into it and will stab a fork through my husbands hand if he tries to take it.
3. I like my chicken dried out. I don't like it too juicy because my imagination gets going and then I can't eat it.
4. I honestly wish I were a bit more OCD because I assume my house would get a lot cleaner.
5. If we have company coming and by some miracle I get the house really, really clean I leave at least one thing out so that it doesn't look like I tried to be "perfect".
6. I HATE to get the mail. I know there could be something absolutely wonderful in there but more than likely it would just be bills and I really don't want to deal it until payday.

I tag Jennifer, Tami, BA, Jaleece, Ann and Pat (The last two don't comment to the general public but I would like to see their list anyway)

This is funny because Zachary has done at least 20 of these within the last year.

My friend Ann sent this to me a while back and since I've decided not to delve too deep for the next little bit I thought I'd share.

Things To Do at Walmart When You're Bored

As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"

Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax.

Go to the food court, buy a drink, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"

Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

Hold indoor shopping cart races.

In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.

Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)

Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

Play with the automatic doors.

Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

"Re-alphabetize" the CD's.

Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.

Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bed department.

Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join.

Take bets on the battle from above.

Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say, "Hm... I thought the customer was always right!"

Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.

Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.

TP as much of the store as possible before they stop you.

Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make.

Tune all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares and see what happens.

Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.

When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"

When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

The Book of Answers

As all of my blog friends know, my little Jacob is pretty close to perfect (we'll just pretend that he didn't write an x on the wall this week or clog the sink). Last week while buying new scriptures for Zach to take to seminary Jacob decided that he needed to have his own Book of Mormon. Never mind that the only words he is reading are "mom, dad, cat, hat, Jacob and any fast food name within a 30 mile radius). So we bought the tiny Book and he has kept it with him pretty much non-stop. He calls it "the book of answers". Of course some of the answers it contains are ones such as "mom should buy us ice cream" or "yes, I should stay up". Zach and his friends were hanging out on our porch and Jacob was so excited to show Torie his book of answers. He explained to them that if they had any questions he'd find the answer. It was a great reminder of the faith of children and the wonderful relationship they have with our Savior. On Sunday he ran to Zach's room to wake him up saying, "Zach, Zach, it's Sunday, I have to learn about the gospel". I am so grateful for his amazing testimony.

I tell this with permission

We've all experienced a moment of anger that for some reason leaves us "so angry we can't see straight". My sweet husband had one of those yesterday at church. He isn't a big breakfast eater so he never takes the time to fill the tummy before our 9:00 a.m. service and by the time noon rolls around he is so hungry that even the cheerios scattered through out the chapel on the floor look appetizing. For some reason the kids were taking their sweet time coming to the foyer and he was getting weaker by the moment. I told him to walk home and I'd wait for the kids but he was being particularly stubborn and decided to stand there and fume silently as the halls began to empty out and there was no sign of the two oldest. You'd have to know that my husband considers it a successful church meeting if nobody talks to him and he is able to go unnoticed in Elder's Quorum. He can't understand that Bailey and her little friends have so much to say that they need more than 30 seconds to babble on and on about their latest crush and what their plans are for the week. Since he has been married forever he can't remember needing to troll the halls in search of a new girl to captivate with a smile. I was able to find Bailey after about 10 minutes and decided that Zach could find his way home when he was finally done flirting with whoever was in the hall. I could hear my husbands tummy growling and his brow was furrowed with the intensity of a hunter who has his prey in sight and is ready to pounce. He walked gruffly out the front doors, his books in hand and rounded the corner to the car. In his haste he decided to cut across the grass and save himself the additional 10 seconds he would have spent taking the cement path. The kids and I were following approximately six feet behind when all of a sudden we saw him trip, his foot had caught on an imaginary obstacle and in slow motion I saw him stumble, recover, stumble again and then his book (his precious programming book not his scriptures) went flying through the air coming unbound as pages filled with numbers and strange combinations of letters detached from their cover and floated through the sky. His phone went flying from his pocket and with the grunt of a man no longer in his 20's he hit the ground and rolled. No naughty words found their way from his mouth but the scowl only became more exaggerated as his cold hearted wife started to laugh. I laughed and laughed and tried with all my might to get an "are you ok" out in between fits of hysteria. The girls were much better, they were able to express their concern in more appropriate ways and Jacob just watched with a "dang, I do that a lot" kind of look on his face. He pulled himself from the concrete and gathered his supplies and tossed a dirty look in my direction and I tried even harder to contain myself. After a somewhat silent walk to the car he grumbled "I don't know how that happened, there must be some crack or something". with all the compassion I could muster I said simply, "you were blind with anger honey, perhaps it is God's way of telling you to chill". He wasn't pleased and I giggled for the next 20 minutes. After some time to rebind his book and to fill his tummy he came to the front room where the rest of us had gathered and said, "it was kind of funny, I guess". We all learned a valuable lesson. Anger can have a true physical effect on your body and if you aren't late after church you might get to catch dad do some "totally awesome" tricks.

I Need Help Ladies!

Bailey is Ms. Babysitter and has been gone a lot and while missing her has been a big issue an equally big one is that my house is a MESS. I know she does a lot around here but I had no idea just how much. My dishes always need to be done, there are always spare blankets and pillows laying around and the pile of shoes just keeps growing. The bathroom sinks are filthy and there are dust bunnies everywhere. There are piles of laundry in Jacob's room just waiting to be put away and there is a mysterious smell in the fridge. How do you guys do it? Bailey tells me every time she comes home from baby sitting how clean the houses are. Are you guys hiding a maid somewhere or am I truly just domestically challenged? My mother was so clean it was almost compulsive. I used to joke that if my dad got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom she'd make the bed behind him. She was the only woman I know that could have an entire scout troop at her house for an activity (one that they of course enjoyed) and still had a clean house. I need advice, help, suggestions or perhaps the service of my dear friends who like to organize stuff!!!!

What a mess

I was so excited to have saved about $30 at the grocery store today and on the way home I was fantasizing over the many different ways I could spend that. I know that seems silly but I have learned to take pleasure in the simple things. $30 would buy a nice dinner at my favorite Chinese food place or 30 songs for my ipod or pay for some plants for the back yard. I thought about it all the way home. I was pleasantly surprised by the wonderful smell that greeted me as I walked in from the garage and figured it must be the Lord's way of blessing me for having already done 5 loads of laundry. After a few minutes the wonderful smell of laundry changed to a "bit overwhelming" to "something is not right". Sure enough, as I stepped into the laundry room I was met with a sticky blue goo that oozed between my toes. It was one of the rare times I regretting buying Tide in the large 120 load container. The entire bottle had somehow been knocked to the ground and had infiltrated the entire room. It was under the washer, in the cat box, and all over the rug. It took three rolls of paper towels, an extra three loads of laundry, a premature changing of the cat litter and a new bottle of detergent. The grand total came to approximately $30. . . so much for my Chinese food.

How to Be Totally Miserable

So I stole the title from John Bytheway's little "Self Hinder" book but it so true that I have to share with those of you who aren't Bytheway addicts. He says

"Complain about your Blessings
Lots of people complain. Most people complain about their problems but miserable people are different, they complain about their blessings. If their car breaks down they complain that it isn't new. If their waitress is slow they complain and withhold a tip. If their cell phone drops a call they complain about their service. They're like the people in the Old Testament who got free food from heaven and said, "what, manna again!" By contrast, happy people are grateful they have a car, thankful they can afford to eat in a restaurant and stoked to have a cell phone... Happy people count their blessings, miserable people complain about them."

I could add some profound statement to sum it all up but can say it better than the great motivational speaker Bytheway.

Infinite Wisdom

I wrote this in my journal two years ago but when I came across it today I decided I might need a reminder.

Infinite Wisdom

We’ve all had “those” days, at least I hope I’m not the only one. You slept in late, the cat is chewing on Santa’s beard; the baby is taking all the socks out of the sock drawer and feeding them to the monster that lives in the dryer; you’re pretty sure there’s a gas leak in the kitchen; you have to buy a birthday present for a party, milk for the weekend, and even though you still have checks your husband insists you’re out of money. Your jeans are a bit too tight and the kids suddenly hate the oatmeal that you’re yelling at them to eat because it’s a “power food” and will increase brain function. One thinks their bangs are too long, one refuses to wear a ponytail to hide the bed head they woke up with, and the other insists that hair standing on end is the style these days. No one has matching socks, and you’re falling over the piles of clean clothes the kids left in the hall way. The highlight of your day was sticking yourself in the eye with the eyeliner pencil and it’s only 8:30 in the morning.

As I sat in the car contemplating just such a morning I again turned to feelings of self doubt and guilt. “I’m not a good enough mom. If I had gotten up at 5:00 when my husband did I would have been ready before the kids, made a spectacular breakfast and ironed the missing socks before the kids even had a chance to yell, “moooooommmmm”. But instead, I selfishly decided to cling to the last few minutes of sleep in an attempt to finish the lovely dream I was having about the beach and the waves washing everything away. I yelled at my kids, I wasn’t patient enough. I should pray for patience, but the last time I did that I ended up pregnant with my third child. Yelling to the kids that it was “scripture time and they had better have their little fannies on the couch before I count the three”, was not the appropriate way to teach them a love of the gospel. I know that but yet somehow instead of whipping out one of my “things good mom’s say”, I resorted to the clique’s seen on poorly produced sitcoms. I’m inadequate I think to myself as I sit watching my little angels walk into the school building. Each child takes the time to turn to me as they reach their door and wave, the younger two blowing kisses and yelling, “I love you mom” for everyone to hear. A tear comes to my eye and I try quickly wipe it away blaming it on the mornings make up mayhem but I know it is guilt. I want to run into the school and scoop each one of them into my arms and say, “I’m sorry I messed up. I love you so much, you have so much potential, I don’t know why God would send such a special spirit to such a rotten mother and I promise to ask him when I see him”. I wanted to take them home and make Christmas cookies, practice Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and throw our heads back and laugh as we playfully throw pillows at each other. I want to fix the mistakes I made in the morning with a terrific afternoon, hoping that great acts of repentance will somehow make up for my inadequacy. I know I can’t though, it wouldn’t turn out the way I imagined it. There would be arguing over who gets the last snowman cookie and over what the proper actions are to the song. Instead, I wave back and blow them each a kiss and hope that tomorrow I’ll do better.

As I drive to the post office to mail a package I turn on BYU radio in the hopes of finding an answer to my silent prayers. “Why Heavenly Father did you send these special little one’s to me? You could have sent them to the perfect mother. They could have had a mom that didn’t need ten hours of sleep each night, a mom who didn’t eat the last cookie when no one was looking; the one who knew exactly the right way to call her kids to scriptures or style their hair. Why me, why someone so obviously flawed? Then, just as if the heavens opened and the Spirit spoke directly to me a song came on the radio. I’d never heard it before but the words I will never forget. It spoke about how God could have sent an army to back his message with armor and how he could have sent Jesus to be born of a King and Queen with power and riches but in his infinite wisdom he sent them to Joseph and Mary, seemingly ordinary, everyday people. This wasn’t by mistake, there was a plan. God knew exactly what he was doing and perhaps some small part of his plan was so that on days like today when mothers everywhere are questioning their ability to parent the child that seems so much more holy then she is, she could look to Mary and say, “she was like me”. We know that Joseph often doubted his ability to be the guardian of such a sacred child but would we ever doubt Our Father’s choice? Without a doubt, no.

With a strong resolve to do better I made my way to the store and the rest of my errands. I held my head a bit straighter and walked a bit taller as I made my way down the frenzied aisles of Target. Perhaps, if He sent such special children to me, that means that I am special too. And if Mary could look past her doubts and her fears then I can too. And perhaps tomorrow when I call my children to scriptures the angels will smile upon me and say, “Well done.”

I'm Still Young!!!!

Of course this is OLD but maybe I don't look THAT much different after all.

I never thought the day would actually come that I would have a high school student, or one that attending the dances, let alone be the old lady in charge of them. It was a 40 hour week just getting this wonderful even thrown together and when I finally got home after midnight last night I was stunned by how magical silence is. The decorations turned out great (yahoo, I made a balloon arch, with lots of help) and we had more than enough refreshments. I was so impressed with the kids that go to the school. I only had two students give me any attitude, one we'll call "peacock" because that is exactly how his hair looks, and the other we'll call "fedora" because that is his hat of choice. I had the pleasure of escorting them out of the dance on more than one occasion. The highlight of the evening was when I walked up on two kids making out and they didn't stop. I finally gave a loud clearing of the throat noise to which they looked at me and kept on going. Finally I said "excuse me, I'm a mom". Their eyes got huge and they were very embarrased to confess they thought I was a student. DUDE, I was mistaken for a high school kid, I felt so young. Zach, Mr Social had a great time and it was a real relief to see that even in those kind of social settings he still acknowleges me and tells me he loves me. We came out after the dance to find our car, which really needs to be washed, covered with hearts drawn in the grime. I'm sure they were meant for me and not Zach. The other kids had spent the entire day helping set up and Bailey was so bummed that she wasn't allowed to attend. She even mopped the gym floor because it was driving her nutts. I am pretty sure she'd be offered a job is she ever wants one. I slept for 6 hours straight without even going to the bathroom. I guess all that hard work tuckered me out. On that note, I'm going to take a much deserved bath!

One of Those Moments

This photo has nothing to do with it but isn't it funny that Zach wears a helmet when Jacob is learning to drive?

Yesterday Zach was late from school, approximately two hours because they had changed his schedule from fencing to photography because too many students had signed up for it. There is a food chain in any school and new students and freshmen are of course at the bottom of it. So, he was dropped. I of course went in to Super Mom mode and thought to myself "Can I fix it, Yes I can". (I watch way too much Bob the Builder). Instead however Zach said, "It's under control." What did he mean under control? That would mean that I would be there to explain to the school that it was in their best interest to to give it to him. I would of course have a laundry list of sweet little reasons why he NEEDED to be in the class. Did "control" mean he didn't need me or even worse yet, didn't want me to fix this? I did what any mom of a budding teen would do, I stood in shock and horror and waited for him to fix his own problem. I talked to someone who had been there while he was talking to the counselor. She was getting her her sons schedule fixed as well. She was amused because Zach knew that the closer to the front of the line he was the better his chances. Better to be 3rd than 100th. He made a beeline for his office as soon as the bell rang. He waited calmly and then explained to the counselor that a lot of thought had been put into selecting his classes and that while he understood it was full he had already paid the fees since it had been on his original schedule. He explained that it was important to him and that he would expect a quick resolution (thought I bet he didn't use that word). The counselor said that there were so many students in the same situation that he couldn't guarantee it but would let him know in the morning. I of course spent the evening figuring out exactly what magic I would have to work if he didn't get in. Zach said, "mom, you said that I need to take control of my education and that is what I'm doing. If I don't get in I'll handle it". He texted me this morning and he had fencing!!!! My first feeling was of elation, I had raised a well spoken, responsible young man who could fight his own battles AND win them. Then I realized that it was an indication that he was one step closer to full independence so I cried (mostly happy tears).

The Answer is Because I'm Stupid

The question is now, and always "why did I decide to do that?!" Since I agreed to be in charge of the school dances at the high school I am very busy this week. I have to get lights and decorations, volunteers, food, music, chaperones, servers and clean up crews. I also have to attend two orientations for students and parents in an attempt to get more victims, I mean volunteers, to help in the future. I have 100 pages left in the assigned reading for the school discussion tonight because it simply isn't as entertaining as a vampire story and I keep getting distracted by funny things like laundry or giant spiders.

I decided yesterday however that I HAD to finish our back yard NOW. I hired someone to come and bobcat it today and have dirt being dropped off at 1:00. I won't be here. I had 7 guys scheduled to come move the hot tub last night but it was raining and we decided we'd just leave it until we have money for cement, which means FOREVER! The sprinklers will be put in on Thursday and if all goes well I will find time to seed it(because I am broke and it is cheaper than sod) on Saturday before Zach's party and the play we're going to with Aunt Rene and uncle Doug. I am looking for input from anyone who has planted a lawn by seed before.

First Day of High School

The alarm blared at 6:00 a.m. begging me to wake up from a night of tossing and turning and trying to get all the images out of my mind that consumed me even during the night hours. I envisioned the stories my mom used to tell of being shoved in the locker because she was so tiny. I remembered being cornered in the girls locker room by three extremely large girls who said “you think you're so smart, let's see you get out of this one”. Fortunately for me my very tall, athletic friend Heather Sheets came to my rescue and took their attention away from me long enough for me to escape to the safety of the bathroom stall why she put them in their place. I remembered the guy I was dating who got mad because someone mistakenly through a football toward my car that he threw him to the ground and beat him while I begged him to stop. I thought of the talk of parties that resulted in very unrighteous behavior. I remembered the kids that didn't fit in anywhere else so they turned to a life of drugs. I thought of the girls who unbuttoned one too many button in an attempt to attract the attention of the boys and the boys that were all too willing to oblige. I thought of the teachers who were offended when I corrected them in front of the class or even worse, the football player turned German teacher who thought he was still on the team and talked in football metaphors. I remembered trying to open my locker and balance 4 classes worth of books in my arms because I didn't want to carry a backpack and I didn't want to return to my locker between classes because I only had two minutes and that time was to be used in the bathroom. I remembered trying to eat just enough to keep me alive until after school when I could load up on caffeine and chocolate. There were late nights up worrying if the aching on my chin would result in a zit or if my bangs were high enough so that I wouldn't stand out among the sea of tumbleweed hair. I took BYU classes and AP classes in an attempt to graduate at 16 and get out of the zoo and into the real world. High School was a necessary evil and simply a stepping stone on the path to the exaltation I would find in college. All these thought were going through my mind last night as I prepared to send Zach off into the real world this morning.

We picked up his friend on the way which was probably Zach's favorite part of the morning because that meant that I would be less likely to give the traditional “remember who you are” speech that I am so famous for delivering whenever my children are going to be away from me. I did however say “remember that if you're nice to everyone no one will shoot you.” They made fun of me and my desire to have super powers but as we pulled into the new building they were silent. I could feel their tension level rise as they looked around and discovered they only knew each other and since his friend is a junior they may not see each other until his mom picks them up this afternoon. There was a sea of red, white and blue shirts and the sound of screaming girls who are being reunited after a long summer break.

There were boys standing on the corner trying to be cool and express their independence while having to obey the schools “off the collar” hair cuts and “natural color hair only” rules. I noticed a few of them trying to pull their pants as low as possible before being reminded by one of the many mentors that they must be on the waist. I was thrilled that this dress code wasn't a problem for Zach he is usually found in a polo shirt these days anyway and white and blue are his favorite shirt colors anyway. I noticed with horror that parents were simply pulling into drop off lane and then going on their way. No one was walking into school with their students and half of them were still in their jammies. I of course HAD to walk in. I had an official reason to be in the office. The boys walked ahead of me, turning briefly to give me the uplifted hand wave as if to say “no further” and my heart broke just a little bit. I turned to leave but found my feet anchored to the ground. I tried convince myself that I have done a great job raising him, that he know right from wrong and USUALLY chooses the right. I was able to take a step further while turning back to see if I could still catch a glimpse of my clean cut son. I told myself that he is a gifted speaker and can probably find at least one girl in each hallway that will point him in the right direction if he gets lost. I was able to take another small step toward the door. I said to myself, “it's okay, Celia (the director) and Cindy (the secretary) are moms, they're there if he needs them”. And then it hit me, other moms would be there for him, not me. I think that may have been one of the saddest realizations I've made through out my parenting years. It was heartbreaking to realize that other people could be there when I couldn't. I have always thought that I was irreplaceable, that I was the ONLY one that could be there to fight his battles, to make sure his papers were turned in and that he knew where the lunch room was. I knew the day would come when my role would switch from mommy to mom and eventually to mentor then “crazy lady who won't stop following him around asking if he's cold”. I just didn't realize it would be so soon.

Like my New Bike? or Good News, Nothing is Broken!

Today I had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to buy a bike. I've been thinking about for a while but today something just told me I had to to it NOW! I love those promptings because they make absolutely no sense but you know you have to listen to the Spirit and do what it says for whatever reason.

I am not a first generation over-protective parent so when I begged for a bike my dad bought me a beautiful red one and then never let me ride it. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I kept hitting the tree at the bottom of my street, but I never learned to ride. My kids all have bikes but just like my dad I don't really like them to ride them outside of the church parking lot, after all, it is sacred ground, not much can happen there, right? So today I called my friend Jenna and said, "Want to teach me to ride a bike?" She laughed and said, "why not, we could use a good chuckle". I borrowed her helmet and her bike and she walked me to the parking lot of the church where she gave me the basic run down such as "brakes are good" and "it's a new helmet so don't break it". Only one person stopped to make a sarcastic comment on a grown woman learning to ride. I was amazing. I screamed when a rock would jump out of nowhere and into my path and I panicked when the bike seemed to turn without me telling it to but after a while it was pretty evident that with practice I could actually be a good bike rider. So Jenna and her husband Paul escorted me to the bike store, not Walmart but an actual bike store with people who know all about the importance of gears and spokes and shocks and other things that I'm only vaguely aware of. I amused the staff with my ramblings but finally settled on a perfect bike for me (and my wallet). I can't believe how much some people will spend on transportation with only two wheels.

I have only almost died once today while riding. When I came home I was so excited to show my husband my new found skill that jumped on at the top of our very steep driveway only to realize that I had no idea where the pedals were and I was headed to pile of tumbleweed in the empty lot at an extremely quick pace. A scream or two later I quickly recovered and found myself in control and riding down the street toward the park. After lots of practice I decided to take the kids for a ride. Jacob and Kaitlyn had their scooters and Bailey was on her bike (Zach felt it would be better not to join us) and we headed across the street to the church parking lot. There is a very steep driveway at the entrance, I know this because in Feb. we slid all the way from the top to the bottom(300 yards or so)in our van where we came to rest in a large bank of snow and we had to be dug out by the Elder's Quorum of another ward. This hill is great. I was going so fast that for the first time I understood why a dog sticks their head out of the window when they're in the car. Of course everything is all fun and games until someone crashes, burns and ends up with road rash so bad that it takes an hour to pick the pieces of asphalt out of their legs.

It wasn't me though, I don't get any of the glory. It was Bailey who thought she was as cool as I am and that she could go at speeds equal to a cheetah. She lost control and rolled several times landing in a heap of blood at the base of the hill. She kept screaming "nothing is broken, nothing is broken" and I ran at record speed to check her out. Kaitlyn ran home to have her daddy bring the car and we have spent the rest of the afternoon alternating between being sympathetic and making fun of her. She will survive and may even ride her bike again! And I have learned at the grand old age of 33 to finally ride a bike. (Don't tell my dad).

This is the Place

We went to This is the place yesterday and had an amazing time. Jacob has talked all day about our adventures and keeps saying "Can't we go back right now?" We are going to their play next week and have plans to go back in October for the Haunted Village and in December for an old fashion Christmas. I fell in love with the pioneer homes and secretly came home to my modern 25 ft ceilings and thought "what waste". I am sure it would only last a short time, but it would be fun to go back in time and live like the pioneers. Of course our running water and gas stoves are pretty cool.