Sunday, July 8, 2012

Another Daring Adventure

I decided that we needed a little adventure so I convinced Bailey, Kaitlyn and Jacob to go for a "short drive" up the hill.  I told them we'd only be about 30 minutes.  We found a beautiful canyon not too far from home and since just about everyone I know raves about its beauty we decided to head up the hill.  At the first turn off I should have realized there was something wrong....I was the only non four wheel drive around and the concrete quickly turned into tiny pebbles and dirt that pelted my window when my speed reached 5 miles an hour.  We found a spot to pull over by a lovely little stream when out of nowhere popped up a half naked man obviously involved in some kind of extra curricular activity out in the open.  I was able to distract the kids with what looked like a tree full of termites while we figured out how to get our van out of the mud puddle. 
Disappointed in the lack of play time at the first stop we made our way further up the "hill".  We found a lovely spot to stop, water trickled down the rocks into the most beautiful little stream.  There were fallen trees and beautiful green foliage that carpeted the ground. Without much thought we climbed the path.  Bailey and Kaitlyn took their shoes off and wandered through the little stream and Jacob used his carabener he takes everywhere to hook himself to the trees and swing.  As we made our way back to our car I heard the most dreaded phrase ....."Mom, RUN!"  Anyone that knows me understands that there is only one reason that I run and if I'm running you should probably follow because something scary is most definitely chasing me.  Jacob, having known this for 8 years promptly screamed and ran right along side me.  Kaitlyn stood motionless, only her eyes darting to the water knowing full well that there would be a serpent just waiting to strike.  Since danger is her middle name she had to stay.  Bailey, the animal wrangler stood barefoot  placing herself between the snake and her terrified mom.  She calmly repeated her plea for me to go quickly which truly wasn't needed since I had already climbed to the top of the car and was screaming for my daughters to join me and my obedient son. The girls slowly made their way down the trail giggling at the scene they'd just witnessed when all of a sudden a blood curdling scream broke through the levity and the entire forest held its breathe.  Bailey was frantically dancing and yelling while her sister laughed hysterically and I tried to decide if this was something she could handle on her own or if I'd have to put my "mom" hat back on and get over my fear. ...turns out it was a spider...a tiny little defenseless spider whose life was cut short by the repetitive slapping of a teenage girl.  There was no doubt in our minds that our adventure needed to come to an end so we made our way back to the road in the only direction we could go....UP.  


It was about this time that I realized that this hill we've been climbing was truly a mountain, a mountain meant only for billy goats and mountain lions and for people in cars that had a death wish or serious issues with adrenaline addiction.  The car measures about 5 feet across, the road about 5 feet and 2 inches and each time that we got to turn which I'm pretty sure would have measured at 90 degrees we met with a truck...not a little truck but a giant van eating vehicle prepared to shove us off into the trees that would ultimately have resulted in an unpleasant landing. I was near tears, I don't like heights, I don't like mountainous roads and I most certainly don't like the idea of navigating them when 90 % of the people driving down the road were holding a Bud Light in their hands.  Frantically, I ordered the kids to pray and to try to get cell phone service so that we could at least call the boys at home and tell them that we love them and to look for us at the bottom of the canyon.  The reception was spotty at best and through the tears I'm pretty sure my husband understood that he'd be cleaning the cat box on his own for the rest of his life.  It is amazing the thoughts that cross your mind while you're facing your  demise....did I remember to put the laundry in the dryer, did the clothes on the floor of the closet get picked up so that if someone has to come and clean it out they won't be horrified (no, the didn't), would Zachary remember to mow the lawn once a week and would my husband be able to survive without someone there to sniff the leftovers for him. 
In the end our prayers were answered.  We made it to the very top of what must be the highest point of all of Utah and I sat there shaking, knuckles white on the steering wheel.  Kaitlyn says from the backseat "wow, it sure is beautiful up here I"m going to go look". Jacob looks to the West and says "wow, sure are a lot of bullet holes in that sign.  You know if there is a rock slide we're all going to die" and Bailey, trying hard to contain her laughter searched for help.  She approached two daring souls who were standing a top a barricade taking in the scenery to ask them which would be the least steep way to get back down the hill.  There was laughter, a few looks in my direction and she made her way back to the car with the comment "we're screwed".  I pulled out the phone in an attempt to find the National Guard phone number that I undoubtedly have saved for such emergencies and debated the best spot for the helicopter to land to retrieve us from the top of the mountain.  At last, a kind man, trying his best to choke back his laughter, approached us and explained that while the fastest way for us to go home was down the way we had just come, the least scary way was down the other side of the mountain into Tooele.  Tooele....I've been there, it wasn't scary, it was FLAT...I could do that.  He told me that it was a lovely road that would gently wind down the hill and I'd be home in two hours flat.  With prayers of Thanksgiving we made our way to Tooele.  We stopped along the way so that I could relieve myself, its amazing what a bumpy road and a little panic attack can do to the bladder.  I was terrified to get out of the car but upon stopping the kids raced to the outdoors in search of bugs and the deer that had just run passed us.  Bailey stayed back a bit, looked around for a suitable place for me to christen and then stood just feet away swallowing the fit of laughter as her poor pathetic mother tried desperately not to scream just thinking about what venom was just waiting for me to drop my pants.  We took a few pictures of the scenery, laughed when we realized the spot I had chosen to take care of business was only about 100 yards from a group of campers and continued down the hill.  Out of nowhere appeared the most beautiful herd of cows that were kind enough not to ram my van as we stopped to watch nature at its best. 
At this point the phones were pretty much dead, there was no GPS in the car and not only was the car running close to empty but so were our stomachs.  We found a little Mom and Pop grocery store at the bottom of the mountain and ran to the Deli to make our selections.  Bailey saw fit to retell our adventure to the people behind the counter who chuckled and gave us a complimentary dinner, no doubt in an effort to make up for the inappropriate laughing.  Either that or they found Bailey attractive, I don't care which one since the end result was some pretty yummy friend chicken and potato wedges.  It was so nice to be in civilization again and having gotten my barrings I said the the kids "lets stop at the Salt Lake".  The kids were thrilled to have a bathroom available and Jacob wanted desperately to see the water.  As I stood outside the bathrooms, pleased to have navigated my way through the afternoon with only a few outbursts, I heard the blood curdling scream once again.  This time it wasn't just Bailey but Kaitlyn as well.  Before I could respond Jacob came running from the bathroom still buttoning his pants and people from all around started to run toward the bathroom.  The screaming continued as I ran to save my daughters from what could only have been an attacker.  I had my toe shoes on and I was faster than ever. Arms waving, feet dancing my girls appeared around the corner yelling "SPIDERS".  I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to walk as far away from the scene as I could while the rest of the spectators rolled their eyes and went back to their business.  After a quick trip to the bug infested lake we decided that nothing sounded better than hot showers and the comfort of our own home. “Mom, where were we?” Jacob asked. “Tooele” I answered. “Are we back in Utah yet?” Was his sweet reply. Blasting "Call Me Maybe" we found solace in the rhythmic sound of our tires on the good old I-15 that lead home to Herriman and the rest of our family who simply smiled and said "did you have a good trip?"