It's hit me this week just how little we can control life. I will deny it if you repeat this, but I kind of like control. I like to decide where we're going, what we're doing, who we're doing it with and which path we'll take to get anywhere. I'm pretty convinced that I would make an amazing CEO of the Universe if it were a possibility. When my kids were little it was very easy to censor what they watched, what they ate and who they played with. They had choices, I don't mean to make myself sound like a dictator but usually I would say something like "would you like an apple or a pear with your lunch?" With control has come the ability for me to "fix" everything. It's a rarity that there is something that a little "mommy magic" can't make better. I've prided myself in being the one who "gets things done". Suddenly this week, better yet the past six weeks, I've been forced to realize how little control I actually have in life and you know what....it hurts. It is physically painful for me to watch my children be put into situations that I can't make better. I've watched the way they handle adversity and can most certainly see their daddy in them when they suck it up and say, "well, it will work out". I on the other hand am continually reminding myself to breathe, to just make it through this next hurdle and everything will be better. I'm still waiting for that "something better" to come along. I'm feeling a bit broken right now, a bit off my game. I have found myself clutching my chest through out the day probably in a subconscious attempt to ensure that it hasn't broken in two and is shattered somewhere along with my dreams. I realize this is senseless rambling and that in the words of my husband,"it doesn't do any good to stress about things that can't be changed" but I'm not as strong as he is. I admire his ability to go to work and think about "work". I envy that ability to "turn it off" to "compartmentalize" but perhaps it comes with the mommy card we get when we have children, that inability to stop thinking for even one minute about the future and stressing about today and perhaps regretting a bit of yesterday. I guess I'll follow Jacob's advice and eat an Oreo, he says they help with just about everything and then I'll wear the knees of my pants out just a little more while I plead with my Father in Heaven to give me the strength I need.

WAHOO!!!!

The pictures don't do this justice, it's dark but I just couldn't wait to post them.

I may be the happiest person entire world today!!! Remember my REALLY blank entry way? It's all done! I only spent a full 48 hours being obsessed with it. I went to Hobby Lobby over and over, I looked all over the internet to find a canvas like Jen suggested but in the end I just HAD to have these frames. It was an adventure and I'm pretty sure I spent the same amount of money on Command Strips as I did the frames and photos! The frames have one of those lovely little stands on the back and so it wouldn't sit correctly on the wall but after hours and hours of yelling at my husband to figure out the solution and him telling me to return the frames and buy one's without the stand and me saying "NO, I love them...figure it out", it hit me, REMOVE THE BACKS!!!! Brilliant...I KNOW. I was afraid to put them on the wall in the layout I had changed at least 20 times until Laurie Freeman was kind enough to come and give me the thumbs up (I love her house and her sense of style so she was the perfect one to come and tweek it a bit). How cool is that big M? I wanted a monogram letter but wasn't sure it would work but a little spray paint and I was thrilled. (BA, that stuff really damages the brain cells, I'm understanding you a bit better :) I can now sleep, of course I'm probably going to just stand in my entryway and smile.

help!!!

I am in a desperate situation...well... I woke up with a bee in my bonnet to fainlly do something to my entry way but now I'm stuck...I dont' know what to do because no holes are allowed on the empty wall (my husband has begged and pleaded so we'll use command strips)



This is the entry way looking out toward the front door. I don't know if the colors will show up well but at least you can see the really empty space above the bench. I didn't even have a bench there until I got tired of people not taking off their shoes. I may have to make a little sign to put out or something.



We have those long windows that kind of bug me when I'm not home because then I'm afraid people are just looking right in. We've actually caught neighbors doing that before and frankly when I'm hiding from the world I dont want that. I bought some of that special glass paper that you can add to block it out about but that was two years ago and I don't want to rush.

I just pulled these frames out from under the guest room bed. I realize that the pictures are OLD but they're so cute I don't care. I"m leaning toward the darker ones but then I have to replace the photos for sure because my angel Jacob is not in one.



Now that you know how much style I don't have please help!!!

Poor Kid

I'd post a picture but he'd probably not bet too happy with me after he's all better. Zach had his wisdom teeth out today. It went smoothly. He was so happy to see me when he came out of recovery. He kept saying, "I'm so happy inside, I love you". He was just like he was when he was 5. It was actually kind of fun to see that size of him until we were in the drive thru waiting for the meds (he insisted he was fine) and all of a sudden he started to throw up...everywhere. He hit the inside of the car, the outside and the lane at Smiths. The technicians were not too thrilled. The look on their face was priceless. I couldn't help but laugh because really throwing up is just part of our routine around here. After a ton of paper towels and lots of weird looks from bystanders we were cleaned up enough to be on our way. He slept most of the afternoon(I washed the car) and I'm really hoping he'll be better than new before we know it.

Creativity!!

I had a great day today. I got to go to lunch with one of my wonderful friends that I have known since I was 15. In fact, I used to babysit for her little boy who is now serving a mission in Australia (wow, that kind of hurts if I think about it). We became wonderful friends while I babysat for her and now we get to visit a couple of times a year. Since we had time to kill after lunch we went to Hobby Lobby. Oh how I love that place. I was in search of stuff to make pillows for my front room but that just didn't go as planned so I ended up making these super cute flower clips for my girls. The best part was when I got to play with fire :) In order to get the kind of curved edge you run the fabric over a flame....SO MUCH FUN!!! I did not let Zach or Jacob watch however, we've had enough fun with the fire dept. this year (that would be an excellent blog post...I'll get on that!



Then I made this cute pink flower but I'm not sure what I'll do with it. It seems a bit big for a hair clip, any suggestions?

A Tribute to My Valentine

He cherishes me and loves me without end. How do I know this? The answer is simple. It is not necessarily an answer that the casual observer would see or hear but it is there. For instance while most men panic if a meal is not prepared for them and placed in front of them, my man never once has demanded a meal. He’s perfectly willing to fix himself, the children and even me a snack when hunger strikes. He doesn’t complain if his jeans are dirty, if his socks don’t match or the collar of his shirt is askew. He drives children to activities and even remembers to pick them up again. He fills my ice cream bowl late at night when I’m too cold to get it myself. He rubs my back, makes sure all the soap is off of me in the shower so I don’t itch and grabs me a clean towel since I don't like to share.
He carries the large bags of cat litter for the cats that he didn’t want. He scrubs the floor when the dog mistakes the front room for the lawn. He works hard for a living. He supports me in my endless hobbies. He knows just how to tickle the grumpies out of a toddler, sooth the wows of a princess, and boost the ego of his son.
He takes his children to the grave yard to visit their grandmother, and holds me at night when missing her is just too much. He makes cookies and buys pizza. He buys raffle tickets and goes to carnivals. He indulges me and my impulse Christmas shopping in July and he helps set the tree up the fourth Friday of every November.
He checks the pressure in my tires and he makes sure I have cold water to drink. He buys popcorn at movies when he doesn’t want any and drinks root beer when he’d rather have lemonade. He moves across the country to help his family and rents two U-hauls instead of one because his wife just can’t let go yet. He buys goldfish in bulk and eats burned toast so I don’t have to. I am forever grateful for my Valentine.

I'll miss these moments

My Dear Jacob,

You came running to my room today, just minutes after you were sent to bed. You carried your favorite blanket “sportsies” with you and jumped on my lap. You pulled the blanket over both of our heads and I could see your little lip quiver even in the darkness. When you're sad your lips turn into the perfect frown and your big blue eyes are cloaked in the innocence of an angel. You tried to get the words out but I could see you were embarrassed to have your daddy hear. You like to look tough to him. I asked you, “you're scared and want to sleep in here?” you nodded and when I said “yes” your frown turned to smile and you ran to grab your monkey blanket, the dog Ann gave you and your “big” blanket. You skipped back to the bed with pure happiness and you said, “we can share these mommy”. You talked for 20 minutes about robotic snakes attacking the family and how they scared you when you were little. I told you how I imagine being a super hero when I have bad dreams and you responded, “yeah, I do that too”. As you laid your head on your favorite red pillow your sweet little hand reached out for my arm and rubbed it tenderly to make sure I was still there. You took a deep breath and fell asleep in the safety of my bed surrounded by your favorite blankets and favorite dog. How I love those moments. I know that before long you'll be concerned with being tough in front of me as well as your dad but for now I love being your soft place to land, your safe place and I love the touch of your tender hand on my arm and knowing that you're there to keep me safe too.

Ambition Gets Me in Trouble

I woke up today after very little sleep and decided to tackle my spice issue. It doesn't matter how I try to keep them controlled they end up so scattered that I can never find them. Of course the easy solution would be to use a spice rack but I can't stand stuff on my counter (ha ha ha, wish there were a day that they were actually empty). So I decided that I needed to make a spice drawer. Now that meant cleaning out ALL the drawers which resulted in this....

I decided to go all "Martha Stewart" and use little matching glass containers with clear labels on the top so that when you opened the drawer ('cause all my guests go through my drawers ) you'd be so impressed with my awesomeness. That resulted in a trip to Walmart, Target, Hobby Lobby, Ross, and Kohls. I found some cute little jars at Target but when I got home I just wasn't feeling it. I couldn't justify $40 on little jars especially since they wouldn't have that little plastic piece on the top that lets my kids add "just a dash". So I ended up doing this....



I returned everything at Target being thrilled at my thriftiness (and Kaitlyn's organization skills at putting them in order for me). I'm not sure Bailey was thrilled when I picked her up from school and she saw the kitchen. After a couple of hours she had everything organized and put exactly where she likes them. I am sure it will only last until it's Zach's turn to put dishes away but look how nice my drawers look!!!!

Mid Life Crisis

So, I've spent the day trying to decide exactly what I want to do with my life. That sounds crazy since I'm a stay at home mom with four kids....sounds like I've already made that decision :) I think with the hysterectomy I've hit my mid life crisis earlier than expected. I love my life, I love my kids, love my house (even though it just dropped another 40k, ) love my church, love my neighbors,, friends...you name it. BUT, I don't feel like I'm living up to my potential. I spend a lot of my time sitting at my computer searching blogs in an attempt to find something that motivates me. It's kind of pathetic. Here is my list of things I've decided I want to be today, if any of them look good to you let me know.

1. dancer
2. american idol
3. writer
4. kite maker
5. painter
6. card maker
7. model
8. columnist
9. the next Erma Bombeck
10. a chef
11. caterer
12. pastry chef
13. nutritionist
14. photographer
15. marathon runner
16.tv talk show host
17. an herbalist
18. professional organizer
19. reflexologist
20. product tester

So, can I have your vote?

numerology

I've been studying numerology and am stunned at how accurate it is. This says a lot about me.

http://www.paulsadowski.com/NameData.asp

The characteristics of #4 are: A foundation, order, service, struggle against limits, steady growth.

The expression or destiny for #4:
Order, service, and management are the cornerstones of the number 4 Expression. Your destiny is to express wonderful organization skills with your ever practical, down-to-earth approach. You are the kind of person who is always willing to work those long, hard hours to push a project through to completion. A patience with detail allows you to become expert in fields such as building, engineering, and all forms of craftsmanship. Your abilities to write and teach may lean toward the more technical and detailed. In the arts, music will likely be your choice. Artistic talents may also appear in such fields as horiculture and floral arrangement, as well. Many skilled physicians and especially surgeons have the 4 Expression.

The positive attitudes of the 4 Expression yield responsibility; you are one who no doubt, fulfills obligations, and is highly systematic and orderly. You are serious and sincere, honest and faithful. It is your role to help and you are required to do a good job at everything you undertake.

If there is too much 4 energies present in your makeup, you may express some of the negative attitudes of the number 4. The obligations that you face may tend to create frustration and feelings of limitation or restriction. You may sometimes find yourself nursing negative attitudes in this regard and these can keep you in a rather low mood. Avoid becoming too rigid, stubborn, dogmatic, and fixed in your opinions. You may have a tendency to develop and hold very strong likes and dislikes, and some of these may border on the classification of prejudice. The negative side of 4 often produces dominant and bossy individuals who use disciplinarian to an excess. These tendencies must be avoided. Finally, like nearly all with 4 Expression, you must keep your eye on the big picture and not get overly wrapped up in detail and routine.

Your Soul Urge number is: 4

A Soul Urge number of 4 means:
With the Soul Urge or Motivation number of 4 you are likely to strive for a stable life. You tend to follow a rather orderly pattern and systematic approach in your endeavors. You have an inner desire to serve others in a methodical and diligent manner. You want to be in solid, conventional, and well-regulated activities, and you are somewhat disturbed by innovation and erratic or sudden changes. Excellent at organizing, systematizing, and managing, you have a way of establishing order and maintaining it. You are responsible, reliable and in the final analysis, practical. Highly analytical, you can see your way through all sorts of situations and generally have a clear understanding of the issues. You are a very honest, sincere, and conscientious individual.

The negative side of the 4 is rigid, stubborn and somewhat narrow-minded. There is a tendency to hide feelings, or to really not be aware of real feelings. Avoid being too rigid and stubborn in your thinking, and try to always see the big picture rather than becoming to involved with the detail. Don't be afraid to take a chance once in awhile.

Your Inner Dream number is: 9

An Inner Dream number of 9 means:
You dream of being creative, intellectual, and universal; the selfless humanitarian. You understand the needy and want to help them. You would love to be a person people count on for support and advice.