FHE

Ah, the Monday ritual of Family Home Evening. The opportunity to spend time with loved ones and in case you don't have any, your family. Zach thinks that's funny.

We frosted sugar cookies and made homemade ice cream sandwiches. We do believe Jacob has frosted each and every wall between the kitchen and the bathroom.

Thank you for your calls and emails offering me moral support at this very difficult time. I know I seem dramatic, (at least that is what the Wildlife Office said) but this whole snake thing has truly caused some upset in the Miller household. My children, now recovered, find it amusing that I won't go into the storage room without Zach and that I refused to pull weeds today and that I tried numerous times to adopt a dog from local shelters (I think my husband called them and forbid them to give me one). I did, however, make it to the library so Jacob could turn in his reading chart and get a ten cent bug ring as his prize.

Animal control came out this morning after receiving a call about the giant deadly snake I had found. She informed me that it was probably a bull snake and that if I think that living here is a good place for an ophidiophob (yup, that is a real word) that I need to be evaluated for mental competency. She also informed me that there are at least one call a day about snakes in our area and often they are in peoples homes.

Blood Curdling Screams

For all of you who live within "scream hearing" distance I first want to apologize for the three hours of hysterics. Then I want to ask why none of you called to make sure I wasn't being attacked by something!!!!!! Bailey went outside to the backyard to have a popcicle and found . . . . . . . . . . a snake. I know, I know, we're lucky to be alive. She ran in screaming and said "snake" which incited a small riot and sent people clamoring for the safety of the kitchen counters. GC, my dear brave, stupid husband ran for the yard barefoot and yells, "yup, it's a snake, get me a shovel." Zach came running from the basement to see what the commotion was. Words were not needed, he knew when he saw me in the fetal position screaming and sobbing that it must have involved a reptile. He grabbed the shovel and ran for the back door. My motherly instinct kicked in right about then and I pleaded with him to let dad get bit, not him. It's not that I don't love my husband but the 230 pounds he's carrying around would probably protect him a heck of a lot better from the inevitable venom than Zach's slim frame. I figured I'd have enough time to call for the paramedics before I passed out and they'd be able to save him.

He made quick work of the offending menace (sorry to all you animal lovers out there, I am not big on relocating reptiles, things with fur, yes). It fell into the window well which means that I will not be setting foot downstairs for at least a week. After retrieving it and disposing it my husband returned to the house to find all doors locked and his girls, Jacob and his wife crying in the master bedroom. The concern than became my blood pressure that is still hovering toward stroke level on a good day!! (210/120) during the commotion. After her assured me that there he didn't have any snake remnants on him, that he had washed his hands with lysol and bleach, and that he had walked around the entire perimeter to ensure our immediate safety, I let him in. My face was blotchy, eyes swollen and I erupted into dry heaves in the bathroom. Through his laughter he promised me that it would be safe for me to once again see daylight. I however have put an order in at Albertson's for grocery deliver for the next 4 months until snake season is over.

I'd like to personally apologize to my dear friend Jenna who was on the phone with me through this horrible experience. At one point I screamed into the phone so loudly that her hair do was destroyed! She was kind enough to call and check a little while after to make sure that we didn't need Valium or perhaps a tranquilizer gun. She was very patient through my sobs and unidentifiable words. She's leaving for girls camp in the morning and I'm sure she'll have my reaction in her mind each time she hears something rustling in the bushes.

I was going to call the local reptile wrangler but I knew that when he asked me if I knew where the snake went I'd have to admit that it was in my garbage can (yes, I am ordering a new one tomorrow). I want someone to come install some kind of perimeter around my yard that will prevent them from coming again. I was thinking some kind of an electrical fence.

I have since determined that it is either an anaconda, a black mamba or perhaps a garner snake. I am calling the builder tomorrow and asking him to remove all of the boulders on the empty lot that I am sure are serving as snake habitat.

I have three children in my bed tonight, one posting video reenactments to you tube and a husband wondering if he'll be allowed to go to work tomorrow.

There will be no charge for my "awesomeness"

Yesterday was possibly the most exciting day ever. Zach and I were at Walmart to pick up a few bags of salt for the water softener and we ventured down the electronics aisle. Out of the blue, completely out of place was the Rockband for the Wii. I completely humiliated my poor son by jumping up and down and letting out a little "wahoo". Zach says I actually skipped to the check out stand. It took a while to figure it out but after practicing for 8 hours I can almost get 25% on the drums. I have always had the secret desire to be a drummer in a rock band. (I have absolutely no rhythm so this is truly one of those dreams that are not going to come true). One of the best things about the game is that when I am failing on my set, Zach can "save" me by playing in the most stellar way on the guitar. Then I discovered the microphone. It was so shiny and new that I was just drawn to it. I come from a musical family. My father is a great singer, has been in many musicals and plays the guitar so the genes are there but unfortunately for me the only thing I inherited from my father was his sarcasm and an abnormal amount of freckles! Despite my singing, which resembles the howl of a dog after having its paw ran over, I was able to achieve "awesome" status on several of the songs. I am now auditioning for members of my all mom rock band. The only requirement is that they have to be tone death so when I sing they too think it is great.

Sometimes you just have to laugh

When we lived in Southern Utah I was the bulletin coordinator for our church. I am a pretty Type A person but somehow mistakes would pass me by. The best was the one that accidentally read "Golf Tournament 18 hoes for $25." I didn't notice my mistake until I was sitting in the back of the chapel and the entire room was silent. I laughed so hard I had to leave. I was almost in need of Depends. I'm surprised I didn't get called into the bishops office for my lack of decorum.

Now my husband is the coordinator. For some reason I get the occasional message from people and I forward them on to my husband, assuming they were for him. I just realized that he's been posting information for St George in our Northern Utah bulletin. I bet there are a lot of confused campers showing up a month early for girls camp training. I guess that's one way to get released.

Kung Foo Panda

We don't go to movies often but when we do we know how to pick them. My favorite line from our most recent visit . . .
"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift, and that is why it's called the present". Who knew turtles were so wise.

Modesty is the best policy

We were preparing to meet some friends at their home and I reminded Kaitlyn to grab shorts that matched her swimsuit so she would be modest. The next thing I knew sweet Jacob returned from his room with his swim trunks that hit his knees and his tiny little soccer shorts over the top. He smiled at me and said, "look mommy, I'm modest". He has to be one of Heavenly Father's most precious souls.

The K12 Life Style

There has always been a lot of fascination surrounding my decision to have my children enrolled in an alternative school. When people find out that my kids don't go to the traditional brick and mortar school their reaction is usually the same. They raise an eyebrow, look my children over to see if they're mutants of some kind and then nod at me with a compassionate, "poor you" kind of nod. After people get to know us a bit more and notice that my kids don't have horns and that I am completely normal (those of you that know me well had better not laugh at that) they start to ask questions. They realize that my choice to homeschool/virtual school my children is one that is brave and that works for me. I love my children more than I ever thought possible and the fact that as their mother I have this opportunity to mold and sculpt them just a bit longer is one that I treasure. Yes, it gets tiring. Yes, I find myself pulling my own hair and balking at the amount of dishes made by a family of six who are home almost all the time. But at the end of the day I am so grateful for this chance to snuggle with kids an extra moment, to bake cookies for math and to let my children explore their own unique talents.

Freezer Cooking

It is official, I am nerd. I hosted a class tonight in which I taught people all about freezer cooking. I shared my meal planning technique including my color coded menus and freezer inventory list. I went over the basics of preparing and storing meals. I make meals in large quantities when I find great deals on meat and chicken. I currently have 30 meals in my freezer and it is very satisfying to know what's for dinner. (Of course at least once a week that is take out).

Bailey is the new Cake Queen

Bailey, age 12, is obsessed with cake making. She watches any shows on cake decorating and decided to give fondant a chance. I have absolutely no talent for anything artsy so she was completely on her own for these projects. I think she did an amazing job.