One of Those Moments

This photo has nothing to do with it but isn't it funny that Zach wears a helmet when Jacob is learning to drive?

Yesterday Zach was late from school, approximately two hours because they had changed his schedule from fencing to photography because too many students had signed up for it. There is a food chain in any school and new students and freshmen are of course at the bottom of it. So, he was dropped. I of course went in to Super Mom mode and thought to myself "Can I fix it, Yes I can". (I watch way too much Bob the Builder). Instead however Zach said, "It's under control." What did he mean under control? That would mean that I would be there to explain to the school that it was in their best interest to to give it to him. I would of course have a laundry list of sweet little reasons why he NEEDED to be in the class. Did "control" mean he didn't need me or even worse yet, didn't want me to fix this? I did what any mom of a budding teen would do, I stood in shock and horror and waited for him to fix his own problem. I talked to someone who had been there while he was talking to the counselor. She was getting her her sons schedule fixed as well. She was amused because Zach knew that the closer to the front of the line he was the better his chances. Better to be 3rd than 100th. He made a beeline for his office as soon as the bell rang. He waited calmly and then explained to the counselor that a lot of thought had been put into selecting his classes and that while he understood it was full he had already paid the fees since it had been on his original schedule. He explained that it was important to him and that he would expect a quick resolution (thought I bet he didn't use that word). The counselor said that there were so many students in the same situation that he couldn't guarantee it but would let him know in the morning. I of course spent the evening figuring out exactly what magic I would have to work if he didn't get in. Zach said, "mom, you said that I need to take control of my education and that is what I'm doing. If I don't get in I'll handle it". He texted me this morning and he had fencing!!!! My first feeling was of elation, I had raised a well spoken, responsible young man who could fight his own battles AND win them. Then I realized that it was an indication that he was one step closer to full independence so I cried (mostly happy tears).

The Answer is Because I'm Stupid

The question is now, and always "why did I decide to do that?!" Since I agreed to be in charge of the school dances at the high school I am very busy this week. I have to get lights and decorations, volunteers, food, music, chaperones, servers and clean up crews. I also have to attend two orientations for students and parents in an attempt to get more victims, I mean volunteers, to help in the future. I have 100 pages left in the assigned reading for the school discussion tonight because it simply isn't as entertaining as a vampire story and I keep getting distracted by funny things like laundry or giant spiders.

I decided yesterday however that I HAD to finish our back yard NOW. I hired someone to come and bobcat it today and have dirt being dropped off at 1:00. I won't be here. I had 7 guys scheduled to come move the hot tub last night but it was raining and we decided we'd just leave it until we have money for cement, which means FOREVER! The sprinklers will be put in on Thursday and if all goes well I will find time to seed it(because I am broke and it is cheaper than sod) on Saturday before Zach's party and the play we're going to with Aunt Rene and uncle Doug. I am looking for input from anyone who has planted a lawn by seed before.

First Day of High School

The alarm blared at 6:00 a.m. begging me to wake up from a night of tossing and turning and trying to get all the images out of my mind that consumed me even during the night hours. I envisioned the stories my mom used to tell of being shoved in the locker because she was so tiny. I remembered being cornered in the girls locker room by three extremely large girls who said “you think you're so smart, let's see you get out of this one”. Fortunately for me my very tall, athletic friend Heather Sheets came to my rescue and took their attention away from me long enough for me to escape to the safety of the bathroom stall why she put them in their place. I remembered the guy I was dating who got mad because someone mistakenly through a football toward my car that he threw him to the ground and beat him while I begged him to stop. I thought of the talk of parties that resulted in very unrighteous behavior. I remembered the kids that didn't fit in anywhere else so they turned to a life of drugs. I thought of the girls who unbuttoned one too many button in an attempt to attract the attention of the boys and the boys that were all too willing to oblige. I thought of the teachers who were offended when I corrected them in front of the class or even worse, the football player turned German teacher who thought he was still on the team and talked in football metaphors. I remembered trying to open my locker and balance 4 classes worth of books in my arms because I didn't want to carry a backpack and I didn't want to return to my locker between classes because I only had two minutes and that time was to be used in the bathroom. I remembered trying to eat just enough to keep me alive until after school when I could load up on caffeine and chocolate. There were late nights up worrying if the aching on my chin would result in a zit or if my bangs were high enough so that I wouldn't stand out among the sea of tumbleweed hair. I took BYU classes and AP classes in an attempt to graduate at 16 and get out of the zoo and into the real world. High School was a necessary evil and simply a stepping stone on the path to the exaltation I would find in college. All these thought were going through my mind last night as I prepared to send Zach off into the real world this morning.

We picked up his friend on the way which was probably Zach's favorite part of the morning because that meant that I would be less likely to give the traditional “remember who you are” speech that I am so famous for delivering whenever my children are going to be away from me. I did however say “remember that if you're nice to everyone no one will shoot you.” They made fun of me and my desire to have super powers but as we pulled into the new building they were silent. I could feel their tension level rise as they looked around and discovered they only knew each other and since his friend is a junior they may not see each other until his mom picks them up this afternoon. There was a sea of red, white and blue shirts and the sound of screaming girls who are being reunited after a long summer break.

There were boys standing on the corner trying to be cool and express their independence while having to obey the schools “off the collar” hair cuts and “natural color hair only” rules. I noticed a few of them trying to pull their pants as low as possible before being reminded by one of the many mentors that they must be on the waist. I was thrilled that this dress code wasn't a problem for Zach he is usually found in a polo shirt these days anyway and white and blue are his favorite shirt colors anyway. I noticed with horror that parents were simply pulling into drop off lane and then going on their way. No one was walking into school with their students and half of them were still in their jammies. I of course HAD to walk in. I had an official reason to be in the office. The boys walked ahead of me, turning briefly to give me the uplifted hand wave as if to say “no further” and my heart broke just a little bit. I turned to leave but found my feet anchored to the ground. I tried convince myself that I have done a great job raising him, that he know right from wrong and USUALLY chooses the right. I was able to take a step further while turning back to see if I could still catch a glimpse of my clean cut son. I told myself that he is a gifted speaker and can probably find at least one girl in each hallway that will point him in the right direction if he gets lost. I was able to take another small step toward the door. I said to myself, “it's okay, Celia (the director) and Cindy (the secretary) are moms, they're there if he needs them”. And then it hit me, other moms would be there for him, not me. I think that may have been one of the saddest realizations I've made through out my parenting years. It was heartbreaking to realize that other people could be there when I couldn't. I have always thought that I was irreplaceable, that I was the ONLY one that could be there to fight his battles, to make sure his papers were turned in and that he knew where the lunch room was. I knew the day would come when my role would switch from mommy to mom and eventually to mentor then “crazy lady who won't stop following him around asking if he's cold”. I just didn't realize it would be so soon.

Like my New Bike? or Good News, Nothing is Broken!

Today I had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to buy a bike. I've been thinking about for a while but today something just told me I had to to it NOW! I love those promptings because they make absolutely no sense but you know you have to listen to the Spirit and do what it says for whatever reason.

I am not a first generation over-protective parent so when I begged for a bike my dad bought me a beautiful red one and then never let me ride it. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I kept hitting the tree at the bottom of my street, but I never learned to ride. My kids all have bikes but just like my dad I don't really like them to ride them outside of the church parking lot, after all, it is sacred ground, not much can happen there, right? So today I called my friend Jenna and said, "Want to teach me to ride a bike?" She laughed and said, "why not, we could use a good chuckle". I borrowed her helmet and her bike and she walked me to the parking lot of the church where she gave me the basic run down such as "brakes are good" and "it's a new helmet so don't break it". Only one person stopped to make a sarcastic comment on a grown woman learning to ride. I was amazing. I screamed when a rock would jump out of nowhere and into my path and I panicked when the bike seemed to turn without me telling it to but after a while it was pretty evident that with practice I could actually be a good bike rider. So Jenna and her husband Paul escorted me to the bike store, not Walmart but an actual bike store with people who know all about the importance of gears and spokes and shocks and other things that I'm only vaguely aware of. I amused the staff with my ramblings but finally settled on a perfect bike for me (and my wallet). I can't believe how much some people will spend on transportation with only two wheels.

I have only almost died once today while riding. When I came home I was so excited to show my husband my new found skill that jumped on at the top of our very steep driveway only to realize that I had no idea where the pedals were and I was headed to pile of tumbleweed in the empty lot at an extremely quick pace. A scream or two later I quickly recovered and found myself in control and riding down the street toward the park. After lots of practice I decided to take the kids for a ride. Jacob and Kaitlyn had their scooters and Bailey was on her bike (Zach felt it would be better not to join us) and we headed across the street to the church parking lot. There is a very steep driveway at the entrance, I know this because in Feb. we slid all the way from the top to the bottom(300 yards or so)in our van where we came to rest in a large bank of snow and we had to be dug out by the Elder's Quorum of another ward. This hill is great. I was going so fast that for the first time I understood why a dog sticks their head out of the window when they're in the car. Of course everything is all fun and games until someone crashes, burns and ends up with road rash so bad that it takes an hour to pick the pieces of asphalt out of their legs.

It wasn't me though, I don't get any of the glory. It was Bailey who thought she was as cool as I am and that she could go at speeds equal to a cheetah. She lost control and rolled several times landing in a heap of blood at the base of the hill. She kept screaming "nothing is broken, nothing is broken" and I ran at record speed to check her out. Kaitlyn ran home to have her daddy bring the car and we have spent the rest of the afternoon alternating between being sympathetic and making fun of her. She will survive and may even ride her bike again! And I have learned at the grand old age of 33 to finally ride a bike. (Don't tell my dad).

This is the Place

We went to This is the place yesterday and had an amazing time. Jacob has talked all day about our adventures and keeps saying "Can't we go back right now?" We are going to their play next week and have plans to go back in October for the Haunted Village and in December for an old fashion Christmas. I fell in love with the pioneer homes and secretly came home to my modern 25 ft ceilings and thought "what waste". I am sure it would only last a short time, but it would be fun to go back in time and live like the pioneers. Of course our running water and gas stoves are pretty cool.

Hmm, I wonder what my new color is?